Buzz off!

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Something that doesn’t fly in our house are airborne insects. I’m talking about flies, wasps and mosquitoes. They carry with them the probabilities of dirtying your food or stinging you. Plus, they’re annoying and can’t be reasoned with.

The bullet follows the trajectory of extreme action.

Setting up a no-fly zone can be tricky though. Although some wasps are lazy enough that you can simply pick them up with a tissue and squash them when they’re taking a breather, flies can be harder to get to and mosquitoes harder still. I say it’s time to stop winging it and to start preparing yourself.

If you’re the peaceful type then you can install screens in front of your windows to keep them out in the first place, but doing so flies in the face saving time and money. If on the other hand you’re down for the action, there’s a cost-effective solution for you called a fly gun.

The gun is a piece of plastic with a ‘bullet’ tied to it on a length of string and a strong spring biasing the bullet when loaded up. You line up the gun, pull the trigger releasing the spring and the bullet hits the insect. The magical thing is that the bullet does not squash flies but leaves the body intact while only stunning it. Hence, you don’t leave any DNA traces on the walls. After being hit, it drops like a fly, stunned and ready for you to dispose of the evidence.

When I bring out my gun it is a spectacle to watch. I start humming the James Bond theme song, load up and approach the fly slowly, line up the shot and pop goes the fly. I’ve come a long way from feeling sorry for accidentally killing one to dropping them in cold blood.

As cold as these cold-blooded insects themselves.